I walked out to the garage, barefoot. This was my first woeful mistake.
The frosty cement floor pervaded my supple toes and the chill displaced instantaneously throughout my body. Shivering and hurried I continued on my quest for that missing cast iron pan.
Then I saw it. A spider so big it could be my third blog dog.
I didn’t want to take its life. I really didn’t. But once I knew it was alive, my motherly instinct sprung to action. He was bigger than Humberto. What if it got inside?
How could I go on with my days, knowing this beast was living and breathing under my roof?
The Cuban wasn’t home (as this is a much better suited task for him).
There I stood, wavering, shoeless, in the presence of this arachnid gargoyle.
I found a magazine. Nope, to flimsy. One of Mikes work boots? Perfect. Now all I had to do was smush him.
Muster up all the strength I have, close my eyes and ‘SPLAT!’
I removed the boot, confident I sent this centaur into his celestial nascency.
Wanna guess what happened next?
“He” was a “she” – And she was pregnant!
Hundreds of baby vermin protruded from her wounded belly and scattered about the garage! Oh no…My exposed feet!
I Chuck Norris’d out of there faster than bacon disappears on Sunday morning.
I had to stop thinking about the travesty that just denounced me. I never have to go back in the garage for anything ever again anyway, right?
Defeated, I took a shower, poured a glass of Sangiovese and put on socks and rubber soled slippers.
I let the wine flood my anxious insides while the hijackers set up shop in their apparent new home.
I’m queasy. I need to make something to eat.
Feeds 4; Takes 25-30 min
Ingredients for Sangio Sloppy Joes
- 1 1/2 lb ground turkey or beef
- 4 store bought buns or onion rolls
- 1 1/2 cups all day marinara sauce (see recipe)
- Few good glugs of Sangiovese
- 10 large baby portobellos, chopped in small cubes
- 1/2 yellow or sweet onion, small dice
- 2 sticks celery, small dice
- 1 green bell pepper, chopped in cubes
- 1 tbsp garlic powder
- 2 tbsp tomato paste
- 2 heaping tbsp brown sugar
- 4 dashes Worcestershire
- 1 tsbp sweet paprika
- 1 tbsp chili powder
- Cheddar or cheddar jack cheese to top
- Salt, pepper, avocado oil
Method
In a large cast iron pan, sauté onion, mushroom, celery and bell pepper. Season with salt and cook 7-8 min on medium high heat.
Once veggies are browned, add beef/turkey, more salt, garlic powder, paprika, chili powder and allow to brown, stirring often.
Once turkey is almost fully cooked, add Worcestershire, brown sugar, tomato paste and Sangio and give a good stir. Add marinara and allow to warm through (about 5 min).
Serve on a bun with cheddar jack cheese.
So…Karma won this time. And you’ll be hard pressed to find me ever killing a bug again. I’m more suited for the kitchen anyway.
Anyway, perhaps you’re looking for more sandwich ideas? Say…how about Pan Con Tomate with Loads of Garlic? Or how about my very fall inspired Apple, Agave and Cheddar Biscuit Sandwiches? Or something like Homemade Crunch Wraps? Maybe you like 4am Meatball Hoagies?
